Washington Post: Your One-in-a-Million, or -ion Bombardment


GLM’s Editor’s Note:  Thanks o the Washington Post for creating this bit of linguistic sophistry.  After nearly a decade, we are pleased/disappointed to announce that NOT One of these entries has wriggled itself into the English language.  More the pity.


Report From Week 665

In which we took suggestions for the 1 millionth word in the English language, which, according to the algorithms set forth by one Paul JJ Payack, is 11,032 words away as of June 30 (then again, it also was 11,032 words away on March 21). Just to be imperious, the Empress decreed that the word had to end in -ion. Some otherwise good entries turned up too often on Google, such as “comcastration,” getting your cable cut off.

4 Martyration: A request for only 36 virgins in paradise. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

3 Espanation: Stupidly adding a vowel at the end of an English word to try to talk to a Spanish-speaker; e.g., “Which aisle-o has the cerealo?” (Alan Hochbaum, Atlanta)

The winner of the “Brechlinker,” the Inker with the Barbie head:

Errudition: Comical misuse of big words. “Madam, your dress looks positively superfluous on you tonight,” he said with amazing errudition. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

And the Winner of the Inker

Percycution: Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life. (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)


Style Invitational

(Bob Staake for The Washington Post)

Achoodication: Trying to determine whether you have to say “bless you” after someone’s second sneeze. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Applicushion: Your fall-back college. (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

Banglion: The primitive neural structure constituting 90 percent of the male brain. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

Awwdition: A tryout for the Cutest Babies and Puppies Pageant. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Bossculation: Kissing up to management. (Chris Doyle)

Boysion: A house that looks bigger and more luxurious than it really is. “The railroad tracks separated the mansions from the boysions.” (Elizabeth Moly?, Falls Church)

Bratisfaction: Stomping your feet until you get your way, and you do. (Steve McClemons, Arlington)

Cadhesion: The emotional attachment that keeps some women from breaking up with men who treat them badly. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

Codgertation: A man’s realization that with a certain saying, thought or action, he has turned into his father. (Brendan Beary)

Coitillion: A formal dance at which a debutante really makes her debut. (Steve Fahey, Kensington; Joseph Romm, Washington)

Dabomination: Something that is hateful in the Lord’s eyes, but otherwise is way awesome. (Brendan Beary)

Delugion: The mistaken impression that the levees would hold. (Steve Fahey)

Doughnation: The extra item in a baker’s dozen. (Tom Witte)

Dreckspansion: Now on washingtonpost.com, even more Style Invitational entries! (Brendan J. O’Byrne, Regina, Saskatchewan)

Effemination: France. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Emensapation: To free yourself from that circle of pedants comparing their SAT scores from 30 years ago. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Enamortization: To fall rashly in love with an object or person, and end up paying for it for the next 20 years. (Brendan Beary)

Esion: The sound of music played backward. “Oh, the White Album played backward doesn’t say ‘daed si luaP.’ It’s just esion.” (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase)

Flabrication: The weight on your driver’s license. (Bruce Carlson, Alexandria)

Flashion: The latest look in trench coats. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)

Homo-erection: Anything built by the species Homo erectus, of course . What else would it be? (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Immigaytion: The GOP’s two-pronged fear strategy: “It’s two, two, two horrors in one!” (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Indigentrification: That new trailer park and check-cashing outlet on Foxhall Road. (Chris Doyle)

Infectuation: An obsessive attraction to someone who’s going to do you very wrong. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

Iraqtion: A state of political arousal. Initially pleasurable, but requires professional attention if the condition lasts more than four years. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Irkstation: The cubicle right next to yours, with the co-worker who flosses at his desk. (Tom Witte)

Levistation: A maneuver for putting on tight jeans, in which a woman lies on her back, lifts her hips and then kicks both legs straight up. (Brad Alexander)

Liketation: Giving the milk of human kindness. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

Maltiplication: The way that “a beer with the guys” becomes two, then four, then eight … (Brendan Beary)

Menschion: The rare acknowledgment of the rare man who doesn’t seek publicity. (Richard Pearlstein, Falls Church)

Mession: What’s really been accomplished in Iraq. (Tom Witte)

Miniminion: The bottom banana in an organization; a sycophant’s yes-man. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Oyveycation: A trip back to Brooklyn to visit Aunt Tillie. (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

Prevulsion: When you know you’re just gonna hate it so much, you can taste it. (Bruce Carlson)

Preztidigitation: An ability to fool an audience while having absolutely no sleight of tongue. (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

Racquisition: Implant surgery. (Nick Curtis, Gaithersburg)

Regattacotillion: A vocabulary word designed solely to discriminate against minorities on standardized tests. (David Kleinbard, Jersey City)

Regeorgitation: When the vending machine spits back your dollar bill. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Samesextillion: The number of gay marriages we’ll have without a constitutional amendment to ban them. — P. Robertson (Chris Doyle)

Sintuition: 1. A knack for recognizing women willing to have sex with you; 2. The cost of a “date” with one of these women. (Dave Kelsey, Fairfax)

Snubdivision: a gated community created to keep out people like YOU. (Stephen Dudzik)

Unsurrection: Oh, it’s just a few desperate dead-enders setting roadside bombs. — D. Rumsfeld, Washington (Dot Yufer, Newton, W.Va.)

Vachion: The current anti-style rule that your dimensions shouldn’t restrict your clothing choice, e.g., size XXXL hot pink spandex leggings. (Chris Parkin, Silver Spring)

Weareligion: What sleeves are for. — B. Frist, Nashville (Kevin Dopart)

Anti-Invitational: Noinkish: Something only slightly amusing. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

And another Anti-Invitational: Annoi: To irritate the Empress by sending an Anti-Invitational entry. (Stephen Dudzik)


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